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Derivatives Explained

by Doug Tjaden ~ April 5th, 2009

Sent from a friend. While not completely accurate, this none-the-less makes a great point.

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers – most of whom are unemployed alcoholics – to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around about Heidi’s drink now pay later marketing strategy and as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi’s bar and soon she has the largest sale volume for any bar in Detroit.

By providing her customers’ freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi’s borrowing limit.

He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral. At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert traders transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS.

These securities are then traded on security markets worldwide. Naive investors don’t really understand the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics.

Nevertheless, their prices continuously climb, and the securities become the top-selling items for some of the nation’s leading brokerage houses.

One day, although the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the bank (subsequently fired due his negativity), decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi’s bar.

Heidi demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Therefore, Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.

DRINKBOND and ALKIBOND drop in price by 90 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The decreased bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans.

The suppliers of Heidi’s bar, having granted her generous payment extensions and having invested in the securities are faced with writing off her debt and losing over 80% on her bonds. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 50 workers.

The bank and brokerage houses are saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock negotiations by leaders from both political parties. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by a tax levied on employed middle-class non-drinkers.

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4 Responses to Derivatives Explained

  1. Dan

    The story is "not completely accurate", you say? That description is so full of innuendo, oversimplification, and omission that it is more harmful than helpful. Just a couple of examples — first, portraying derivatives dealers as exploitative sellers of alcohol to alcoholics is ridiculous. Derivatives are a perfectly legitimate product and, used properly, provide benefits to both buyer and seller. Second, saying that these securities were rated AAA is ridiculous exaggeration as only the top tranche was rated AAA. Obviously the ratings were wrong, but it was not, as portrayed in your story, an out and out fraudulent rating of worthless securities. Third, the story fails to acknowledge the significant culpability of both legislators and consumers in the current meltdown.

    It's great to help people understand the nature of our current problems, but this story unfairly demonizes derivatives dealers and ratings agencies. They are not without fault, but this analogy is irresponsibly misleading.

  2. Chandler

    Wow… great explanation. Thanks for that

  3. Doug Tjaden

    Here is a better explanation of what happened, including my assertion that the ratings agencies will soon be forced to face the music.

    http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/04032009/watch….

  4. Doug Tjaden

    Dan,

    I'll have to disagree with some of your comments. The story was meant to be a humorous way to help people understand how a group of toxic assets (the Fed and Treasury's description, not mine) made their way into the economy in such numbers as to cause our global meltdown.

    As far as it being ridiculous to portray derivative dealers as exploitative sellers of alcoholic to alcoholics, I would say that is probably quite an accurate picture for many of them. These "legitimate" products unfortunately in many cases were not used properly, and just like alcohol in the hands of the wrong people, have had equally as devastating results.

    Regarding the ratings companies… We'll see just how fraudulent these ratings were in a few years – when some of this makes its way through litigation. I will say without hesitation that before this is over, IMHO there will be high level people in the ratings agencies who will resign over the scandals that will be exposed, and some may even find themselves in jail.

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